New Romance During COVID-19? Sacramentans Say That’s Tough.

Unless the sparks are flying, Mónica Nainsztein isn’t going to bother going on a date with anyone right now.  

Nainsztein, a 49-year-old Sacramento-area resident, has been looking for love throughout the pandemic, but she says because of the COVID-19 risk, she’s become much more selective about who she meets in person. 

“You have got to be amazing for me to take that chance right now,” she said. 

With bars, indoor dining and other activities closed in most California counties, single people in Sacramento have to overcome difficult hurdles to find intimacy during the pandemic. Because the odds of a chance encounter blossoming into a romance are slim, they’re finding new ways to connect — and coming up with new rules for the dating game. 

Nainsztein, who speaks five languages and runs a translation agency, says she has multiple interactions with people on online dating apps before she even considers meeting up with someone. 

“My goal in being online is to get the text outside of the platform, and then get the phone call, and then get the video date,” she said. “That is, for me, a vetting process … I have to gauge what their level of protection is related to COVID.”

If someone doesn’t seem to be taking public health guidelines seriously, she won’t move forward. When she does decide to risk an in-person date — which she’s done twice since the pandemic started — she has a system. 

“We basically say hello at a distance, and we stand in line at a coffee shop at a distance, we order our coffee … and then we take our cups and we walk outside and we basically walk distanced and talk,” she said. 

Online dating apps saw an increase in signups last year as isolated singles searched for a companion to help someone to ride out the pandemic with. Nainsztein attends virtual speed-dating events, such as those offered by Filter Off.

Other singles told CapRadio that the dating life is no longer as simple as grabbing a drink or dinner.

Indoor dining is prohibited in most counties, and outdoor dining was also shut down for a while. 

And even when restaurants are open, it can be a point of conflict.

“Some challenges I had were either, if patios were not open, or myself or the other person were not comfortable going to some sort of public patio place, how to meet in person,” said Victoria Felt, a 32-year-old lawyer. 

Victoria Felt by Temple Coffee, a popular location for first dates.Andrew Nixon / CapRadio

She said a guy she was interested in wanted to meet at a park that she was unfamiliar with. But she wanted there to be people around in case he made her feel unsafe. So they didn’t move forward.

On another occasion, she said things were going well with a guy but they stopped seeing each other because he wanted to visit his elderly parents. 

Felt says the way a relationship would normally progress is “thrown off by the pandemic.”

“It’s always important to go out and do things together, experience activities, see how the person is in the real world,” she said. “You’re going to want them to maybe eventually meet some friends … just all those things you really can’t exactly do in the pandemic.”

And because of those limitations, a relationship only a few weeks old sometimes follows a different trajectory than it would if not for COVID-19.

“All your hang-out options are just to sit at home and watch movies together and order takeout,” she said. “You kind of go into this long-term almost dating feel... really early on.”

She says because the dating environment is so hard to navigate, she’s essentially “given up” at this point. Instead she says she’s “in a relationship” with her Peloton, a type of stationary bike.

“I’m more about, these days, self improvement, getting back in shape, working on my mental health, all those things,” she said. 

But some people have found ways to forge new partnerships during the pandemic. 

Hillary Jenkins is 35 years old and is polyamorous, meaning she is in multiple relationships at the same time. 

Hillary Jenkins at Curtis Park, where she sometimes likes to go with a date.Andrew Nixon / CapRadio

She says she and her primary partner have joined two other people in a “COVID pod.” The four of them agreed not to see anyone else indoors other than each other. 

But then Jenkins met someone through an online dating app. She says they hit it off right away, and started meeting regularly for distanced interactions. 

“I really felt like I wanted to make out with this person, but due to COVID all I could do was tell him that I would like to kiss him,” she said. 

She said after several weeks of distanced hang-outs, they decided to each approach their pods about being indoors together.

“Before we could continue forward with non-distanced date time, we each had to communicate with the other three people in each of our pods what was going on, why we wanted to move forward ... and why we felt it wasn’t endangering the other people in our pods,” she said. “It was almost four months before we got to have an embrace and kisses.”

With the approval of everyone involved, Jenkins said she and her new boyfriend were able to continue seeing each other. 

“That’s one relationship that has started and grown within pandemic times, and I’m really grateful for the additional communication,” she said. “I feel like we have been able to more quickly build a bond than we may have in other times.”

The dating scene may be evolving again as vaccines slowly become available. Dating apps are reporting an increase in people adding “I’m vaccinated!” to their profiles or posting photos proving they’ve received their shots.