The calls for California Senator Dianne Feinstein to step down are starting to increase and they are even coming from members of her own party.
Last week, the 89-year-old moved to temporarily appoint Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer to her role on the Judiciary Committee. Feinstein has missed nearly 60 meetings since early February, dealing with complications from a bout of shingles.
Some Democrats have come forward encouraging her to resign — before her term is up, as she announced last year that she is not seeking re-election — including fellow California Democrat Representative Ro Khanna.
“I believe she is owed respect. I believe her legacy should be celebrated,” Khanna told NPR last week. “But ultimately, what I care most about is not any one individual. I care about the American people, and I care about the state of California. And I don't think that someone, no matter how remarkable their achievements, can be absent in their role …”
While there is no sense from Feinsten’s office that she will step down, it does raise the issue of age, capacity and when is the right time to step aside.
CapRadio’s Vicki Gonzalez spoke with Dr. Julie Bates, Program Manager at Sacramento’s Agency for Aging, who explained how to navigate the difficult conversations many families have with aging loved ones, when it comes to transitioning away from an independent lifestyle and towards more support and help.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Interview highlights
Do you think the questions surrounding Senator Feinstein's cognitive and health issues, especially given her high profile role and level of responsibility, are fair?
I think it's important for us to look at why we might be having this conversation in regards to Dianne Feinstein, a female senator who has been in the highest ranking role in the Judiciary Committee. We're not having this conversation about Senator [Charles] Grassley, who is the same age. We're not having this conversation about [Senate] Leader Mitch McConnell, who's 81, or Bernie Sanders, who's 81, or Ben Cardin or Jim Risch, who are 79, or any of the other male colleagues who are at a similar age, life stage, power structure and health.
I mean, we've seen Senator Grassley and both Mitch McConnell recently go into the hospital for surgeries and are recovering from those things. Nobody's saying, ‘you need to step down.’ So this conversation is multifaceted.
Yes, it is all about age and our perceptions of when someone is too old to do something, and it's also about sex. We have to remember that sexism is also part of this conversation. We've had many instances throughout our history as a country where we've had senators and congressmen who are of extreme age and unique perspectives, and we don't say it's time to sit down. We just say they are eccentric or whatever it is … We're having a different conversation.
This also brings up a reality that I think a lot of people have — families or just individuals as they get older — when do you give up your career? And even, in some respects, your independence? How do you help people navigate that?
These are really important conversations to have. And I think the first thing we have to decide is, are these conversations because we have internalized ageism in that we think, ‘okay, you've reached 80 years old, you shouldn't drive, you shouldn't work.’ … Or is it because, ‘gee, I've had to go rescue my mom from parking lots all over town five times in the last month. I think I need to have a conversation about her ability to drive.’
There is a whole host of resources available to people to have those conversations, and they are difficult conversations. One of the things that I like to encourage people to do is have difficult conversations — or interesting conversations — to get perspectives around the holiday table.
Mother's Day is coming, so now would be a good time to have a conversation with your family, no matter how old everyone is, to talk about quality of life … Each person is different, and so we need to be prepared to understand that health happens at any age. We need to become comfortable talking with each other when we notice change, when we start going, ‘Hey, my mom, my dad, my partner, my child is exhibiting things that are outside of what was normal for them.’
How do you break through to a loved one who's maybe being a little stubborn, perhaps a little defiant about their own mental or physical health?
That is such a good question, because I don't know anyone who doesn't get defensive when faced with particularly a younger relative or a loved one saying, ‘I think you should stop.’ Right? Our first response is defense … And it's particularly difficult when you're having the conversation between yourself as either the daughter or the granddaughter and your parent or grandparent.
The only thing that I would say, first and foremost is, to determine why you're having the conversation first. What is it that is causing you to say, ‘I want to talk about this.’ Make sure that it is based on facts instead of stereotypes, and then come from the position of, ‘Gee, mom, dad, grandma and neighbor next door. You know, I've noticed these things and I'm wondering if you'd like to talk about it.’
Give them the opportunity just to reply back to you, but also don't stop at one because the first conversation might go — I don't want to say awry, but there may be some high emotions, right? So you give that person an opportunity to think about what you have brought to their attention and then come back to the table again and say, ‘okay, I've noticed this is happening. Would you like to talk?’
There are things that you can do to help make those conversations easier. If we want to be talking about conversations about driving, the Hartford has wonderful resources free of charge to anyone on how to have a conversation about when it's time to put up the hang of the keys. There are resources through the area Agency on Aging from the California Department of Aging, from AARP and from others that give you almost a script on how to have these conversations with your loved ones so that you can get to a resolution, that you can get to awareness and and that you can, if nothing else, get to how to even start the conversation so that everyone feels heard and honored and respected.
When it comes to a caretaker, someone who's caring for someone as they are aging, what kind of support should be offered to a caregiver? Especially if they're navigating these really difficult, uncomfortable conversations with someone that they love very much?
Being a caregiver can be hard. It can be one of the most rewarding things in our lives that we do, and it can also be some of the most difficult. In the greater Sacramento area, we have a wonderful resource in the Del Oro Caregiver Resource Center. They provide tremendous support for caregivers, including caregiver support groups, you know, information and tip sheets on how to talk to your loved ones.
I think one of the greatest things that we can do for ourselves as caregivers is remember that we are not alone. A lot of times people become caregivers and all they know is that they're doing something because they love someone. They are a spouse, they are a child, they are a grandchild or a dear friend. And they're doing it because the person they love needs help.
